Bread of Hope
by Adelina Bronxson
Summary: "The silence is maddening after all the screams and moans.  Being left with my thoughts and the sticky feeling of blood on my feet about breaks me as I watch both deaths over and over in my head."  The worst torture is watching, hearing,and being helpless


**AN**- **This is violent and descriptively gory, though not overly so, so if you are not into that you probably shouldn't read. ****This is also AU and may or may not follow the premise of Mockingjay. ****I will promise you one thing, I like happy endings ****but the road to one might be bumpy. **

**So Enjoy,**

**Addie**

As I wake the first thing that comes to me is pain. From my ribs, my arms, all over it's just a vivid sense of pain throughout my body. As I slowly get more feeling and awareness of how my body feels. I start to look around the dark room I'm in and examine the chair I'm strapped into. It's a cold metal chair that just seems to sap all the warmth from my body. I try to remember how I got here and then the memories start flashing in my mind. I see the fog in the quarter quell arena, I see Peeta giving me a locket, and finally I see the sky explode after I shoot my arrow through chink in the force field.

_Peeta_, my mind comes to a screeching halt as I think his name, _Please be safe._ That's all I can hope, all I can think. It was my goal to keep him safe, _please let him be safe_, I chant in my head rocking back and forth. I'm broken out of my little chant, my pray, as I hear a metal door screech open. I hear the heavy boots walking towards me out of the darkened part of the room I'm in. I hear the sound of something being dragged towards me on the cold concrete floor.

As the two dragging something slowly come into focus, I see that they are dragging a person. His head down as the two men drag in his limp body. I can see the evidence of beatings in his torn and blood stained clothes. _Clothes of a victor_ the thought crashes into my mind. I try and look harder to notice distinguishing characteristics from what I can see of his body; but nothing helps. His body is varying shades of black and purple; the hair on his head is caked and matted with blood. _Please be anyone else, I don't care anyone but him._

I breathe through my mouth as the iron like smell of blood starts to overwhelm me the closer they come. Finally they stop just outside of the light, just enough where I can make out their outline. They pick up the other victor and throw him at my feet. He lands in a heap still unconscious as he hits with a hard thud. One of the men in the shadows reaches up and pulls down a hose from somewhere on the ceiling. He turns it on and I can feel the frigid water as it splashes off the sputtering victor and onto me.

He coughs, as he is finally wakes, a wheezing cough that turns into labored breathing. I look at him closer he's' starting to move I still can't tell who he is, till the flash of blonde hair. _No, No please, not him, Haymitch promised. _One of the shadow men grabs him by the hair lifting him to his knees. _NO _I scream in my head as I see his face, Peeta's face battered and bruised. I slam my eyes shut trying to keep back the tears.

"Look at that Mr. Mellark she can't even look at you now, I don't think she likes the improvements we made to your face." He laughs a cold laugh that scares me. Those laughs promises pain and torture. Those laughs belong to a man that has Peeta and my boy with bread is at his mercy.

"So Katniss this is how it how it's going to work, cooperate and we might let this poor boy who you pretended to love live just a little longer. Heck we might even heal some of his more pressing wounds." I open my eyes taking in all that is Peeta, black, yellow, and purple bruises all over his body. One of his arms has been broke brutally as I look at the almost ninety degree angle at which its bent. His hand, _my god, _I think as I look at those hands that use to hold mine. They look purple and swollen; with most of his fingers bent at wrongs angles.

It's the last thing I can stand. I let out a muffled sob as I try to hold it in, as I try and be strong, but the tears are already clouding my vision. I can feel them run hot down my cheeks as I see what they have done to him. I look at them and nod my head hard and fast.

"I'll cooperate please just don't hurt him anymore" as I say it, I'm surprised how weak and pleading my voice sounds. The emotion almost chokes me, as it gets harder to breath. As each second passes I find a new injury on him. Cuts deep and shallow, burn marks, I notice a hunk of skin has been peeled off exposing the muscle in his arms. I want lay him down and hold him, take care of the wounds all over his body. _He doesn't deserve this, no one deserves this, especially not my Peeta. _

With that thought an epiphany strikes me. _I love him_, it makes the hole in my stomach grow into a bottomless pit. I choke down bile as the thought of what they had done to the man I love sickens me. The pain of my body is quickly overshadowed, by the pain of what seeing him so broken does to me.

"Please" I beg as I rock in my chair trying to get closer to him, trying to give him whatever comfort I can. One of the shadow men walk closer pacing behind Peeta, I still can't make out his face and his clothes are a dark black that washes out the lines of his body

"This is how it will work Katniss. You answer my questions to my liking and I let your boy toy live just a little longer. Answer them wrong and I might make you watch as we take off his fingers one by one." he taps his chin as if he contemplating "Or maybe I'll just kill him. I haven't really decided yet, so don't mess up" He roughly yanks Peeta's head up to look at me. "He's counting on you". He almost falls onto his face as the shadow man lets go of his head. Only to be grabbed and propped up by the other.

"Oops, can't do that, we want her to look at you as we ask her questions. Let her know how much the wrong words might adversely affect you." I see this shadow mans face. Dark green eyes on sickeningly handsome face, seeing this man; this evil man is handsome and clean while holding my broken and battered Peeta enrages me. _I'll make you pay, I'll hurt you; _it's the only comfort I can take, to promise pain and vengeance on them.

"Alright first question, what do you know of the rebel plan to kidnap all of the victors out of the Quell Arena?" I look at the shadow men as I rack my brain trying to figure out what I can say so that they won't hurt Peeta, because I have no idea what they are talking about.

"I" the crack I hear is deafening. I slam my eyes shut, but it didn't help, the warm spray that was all over my body revolted me and the soft thud forced me to empty the contents of my stomach to the side of the chair. As I finished retching what little was in my stomach I opened my eyes and looked at them.

The first they I noticed was the every growing pool of dark crimson blood growing around Peeta's body. My body feels cold and my insides a painful hollow. I focus on his chest trying to will him to breath. But I know that he won't, lying in front of me is the man I love; face down in a pool of his own blood, dead. Not dying, not on his deathbed, just dead, no coming back, no miraculous capital medical procedure could save him. _Dead_

"Why?" I scream, "I was going to tell you?" The emptiness and pain in me quickly turns to hate, angry, rage, wrath. "**I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANTHING**, **one syllable**, and you shot him." What started out as a fierce scream slowly dies into a whisper. "you shot him." The hate I feel for these two shadow men dies as quickly as it appears and all I'm left with is the pain, the emptiness, and the absolute debilitating loss. I stop struggling as the sobs wrack my body.

The fact that they are still standing there doesn't even register. Peeta's body takes up my entire field of vision. I slowly move my eyes over his body. _Hands, they are never going to hold mine or caress my cheek again. Arms, they won't ever wrap me up in comfort and protection again. I'll never lay my head on his chest and listen to the steady beat of his heart again. _I slowly work through every part of his body, each a memory, each something I will never have again. Each time the pain in my chest grows larger, heavier making it harder to breath.

"Oops" one of the shadow men says as they both start laughing. "I guess my finger slipped" and they laugh harder. I don't even acknowledge them my eyes are still focused on Peeta's body until one of them grabs my chin roughly pulling me to meet his eyes.

"Don't fret Katniss, we have more!" he says. My mind instantly goes to the rest of my family. _Prim, Gale maybe Haymitch who else is going to die in front of me? _ As the doors open and the new person they bring in gets into the light my world spins at what I'm seeing.

"Peeta?" I scream _what the hell? _Both of the shadow men are smiling now. They are enjoying my confusing. "So this is really how going to work my little bird." I'm trying to focus my attention on Peeta but their blocking my view. _He looks fine, he looks better than he did in the quell. _I notice from his color and how he is standing that he seems to be alright besides having his hands behind his back and another gag in place.

"When you destroyed the Quell Arena the Rebels tried to grab all of the victors, they succeed in grabbing everyone but you and Peeta." He starts pacing in front of me with his hands behind his back.

"So since we have both of you, the two "Star Crossed-Lovers" myself and my superiors felt that it would be advantageous to use you against each other. To slowly work the truth out of you, by torturing you and torturing the other in front of you." As he says this the green eyed man drags a knife across the new Peeta's chest with him struggling in his arms. His muffled screams through the gag in his mouth claw at my heart. Even though I want to tell him it will be all right, to tell him I love him. To scream at these two in front of me, my voice has deserted me.

"But then old emerald eyes over here had a better idea. Why don't we make clones of you both? Now they won't have anything up top; but they will feel pain, they can scream, and through that they can hurt you." His sick smile is back, as he looks at me. "So now you have to wonder with each new Peeta we bring in, is this the real one, am I watching him die or is this just a hollow clone who looks like him?" then he pulls a knife from his belt and drives it into the new Peeta's stomach. I close my eyes as his muffled screams fill the room.

_Not my Peeta, Not my Peeta. _Becomes my chant, my pray and even then I can't pull my eyes away from the new body that joins the old on the floor. He tries to move, to roll around on the floor, anything to escape the pain. But slowly the movement become smaller and smaller until the only thing left is the slow rise of his chest until finally that stops altogether.

Dry sobs wrack my body; I've cried myself out already. The pain I felt as I watched the first Peeta die comes back even stronger and more acute. They both reach down and grab a body and slowly drag them out of my cell. As the last one reaches the door he turns around and says

"See you tomorrow Katniss, were going to have so much fun." I watch them slam the door and all I'm left with is pain and emptiness. I sit in my chair as I start to retch again as the blood from both the Peeta's starts to flow around my bare feet. Coating the bottoms and sides as it slowly moves to the drain I assume is under my chair.

The silence is maddening after all the screams and moans. Being left with my thoughts and the sticky feeling of blood on my feet about breaks me as I watch both deaths over and over in my head unable to distract myself. I can feel myself breaking, the cracks forming in my mind as each death plays over and over with the physical reminder of them being to much.

As I sit wallowing in emotions that are more acute and vivid then anything I have ever allowed myself to feel before, a memory pops into my head.

_I breathe him in as I listen to his heartbeat, a metronome slowly putting me to sleep as he plays with my hair. I really enjoy these moments, when everything and everyone else is gone and it's just the two of us. No camera's to smile and be in love for, no Haymitch, No Gale, and no complications. Just the two of us and are undefined relationship._

_I start drumming my fingers on his chest, enjoying the thump that comes from his newly, more defined muscles. "Peeta" I say still drumming on his chest._

"_Hmm?" he's almost asleep, I can tell, as his breathing is slow and even. I almost feel bad talking to him now, with the amount of sleep we both lose from are nightmares, I should let him sleep and just talk to him later but the feeling in my stomach is to demanding. _

"_I…I just want to thank you for always giving me hope" I'm not really sure what I mean by it, just that I needed to say it. I've never actually thought about it before now but that's what he means to me __**Hope.**__ He chuckles a little bit and the vibrations interrupt my drumming._

"_I'm not sure how or why I give you hope Katniss but I'm glad I do." He tightens his arms around me and I start thinking of day he gave me bread and the next day when he gave a way to save my family. I snuggle into him some more, closing my eyes basking in his warmth. __**Hope **__is the last thought on my mind as I fall asleep with a smile on my face._

I'm pulled from Peeta's warmth and dragged back to the chill that permeates my cell. But it's not as cold as it was before and the pain from before isn't as acute or as strong. "Hope" saying the word puts a smile on my face. It's the only thing I have right now, the only thing that's fixes the cracks.


End file.
